The Answer Man

“And welcome back to The Answer Man; I’m your host, Nowitt Tall. For those of you just tuning into tonight’s program, we have been addressing the issue of the future and its ridiculous uncertainty for the past half hour. In the studio with me is Miss Terri, of the Department Explaining Finite Information Newly Exposed (also known as DEFINE), and she will be speaking to the predicted pattern of unsettlement and general obscurity that the future holds, or perhaps, doesn’t. Miss Terri, what can you tell us about the future?”

“Nothing... and that’s the whole problem! DEFINE is finding great difficult tracking down any absolutes about the future. We simply cannot claim any definite knowledge of a situation before it happens. There are far too many variables! Too many things that could happen! Did you know that there are entire government departments that dedicate their lives to the research of possibility? I know of a woman who has spent millions trying to isolate every possible outcome of a falling paperclip. You would be astounded at some of her findings.”

“But the future, Miss Terri. Is there nothing you can say?”

“Surely I could say many things about the future, but even with my heavily prepared and researched report there is honestly nothing I could say that you yourself could not discover in a few minutes.”

“What do you mean? Are you suggesting that no one knows anything about what is going to happen at any time in the future?!”

“Well, no one that works in our building.”

“That’s ridiculous!”

“It’s the future that is ridiculous. The only one who would know that is... well, we can’t really get into that here.”

“Please, if you have any information at all I’m sure that everyone is growing quite nervous and would appreciate some kind of reassurance.”

“Well, I don’t have your answers Nowitt Tall, but there is a small group of researchers who have been looking into the Source. They’ve been coming up with some crazy discoveries in futuristic prophesies for the past six thousand years or so.”

“That’s fantastic! Do you think you would be able to get in contact with one of these people?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well folks, we are going to take a short break and track down one of the researchers of the Source while you are subconsciously absorbing the politically tainted and overwhelmingly materialistic social propaganda that is about to follow in 30 second clips.”

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“Welcome back to The Answer Man, I’m your host, Nowitt Tall. Before our break we were talking to Miss Terri from DEFINE. I would now like to welcome to the hot seat Ima Witness, who will explain some of the research that her team has been uncovering about the future and its mysteriousness. Hello Ima. Thank you for coming over here on such short notice.”

“My pleasure! I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to share a few minutes of what we have been looking into. It’s a fascinating line of work and rarely taken as seriously as it should be.”

“Please, tell us whatever you would like. The floor is yours.”

“I work with a team that has been thoroughly looking into the biblical prophesies of the Christian New and Old Testaments. We study the past track record of scriptural accuracy to predict how accurate the prophesies of the future may be. It has been an incredible project; there are hundreds of very specific prophesies that have come to completion within the bible’s historical canon, and many, many more that have yet to be fulfilled. I have no doubt in the precision of the remaining global forecasts.”

“No doubts?”

“None.”

“...None.”

“There is something about complete assurance of supernatural absolutes in our world that give inexplicable peace to the soul. Take the end of the world, for example.”

“Let me guess. Global warming, right? I knew it would catch up with us eventually.”

“No, it’s not global warming or another ice age. The sun is not going to explode, the earth is not going to split in half because of a giant earthquake and I really don’t think zombies will be taking over international government any time soon, no matter how convincing their political campaigns. All of these supposedly scientific and cultural ideas sound ridiculous when compared to the biblical model. Ask yourselves honestly which of these theories makes more sense; millions of years of environmental torture under the stress of an aging star or the final victorious triumph of a just and omnipotent God?”

“You have a very interesting view on this issue, Ima! Thanks you for your input into today’s show. It’s encouraging to know that there are still people out there who put their faith in established absolute truths. It’s also a good reminder that there are more ways to interpret reality than the world of North American media would have us believe. That’s what our goal is here on The Answer Man; bringing the answers and the arguments to you. And so, we thank you for listening. I’m Nowitt Tall, leaving you with many more questions and a few new answers. Until next week, keep thinking, keep asking and keep tuning in!”