Gossip

I have a bit of a complaint to pass along to you, the ever-listening internet world. I have a complaint about the very few complaints and issues about my decisions and actions that I hear directly.

A few days ago I received notification from a third (or fourth) source that something on my facebook profile had offended someone and that feelings along this grapevine have since been hurt. I fear that my attitude and perhaps character have now been called into question because of my comment. I apologise to anyone who has been upset by anything that I have written, here or elsewhere. I meant no harm and wrote with no malicious intent, but only as an expression of temporary situational frustration. This note, as much as I write to that first original problem, I also write to you, one of many impressionable information catalysts and, as with the vast majority of my letters, I write also to myself.

Gossip is both a social lubricant and a relational poison. Where lay the lines between conversation, consultation, chatter and gossip? I don’t know... but I’m beginning to learn that the lines blur differently depending on which side of the topic you take your stand.

Hearing the whisper fall into silence when you enter a room can turn your stomach and pale your face, while speaking in hushed tones about another is something we rarely even second guess or question at all. Betrayal of your trust can cause such a deep and long-term wound, and yet when questions outside the limits of polite conversation are posed we do everything we can to answer, however indirectly, even at the cost of a close friend. Everyone wants to be trusted and accepted, but who can I truly trust when I can’t even trust myself with information every time?

I have come up with a solution to my problem. Because this plan is a true solution and not just a temporary fix, it is going to take time. It’s revolutionary, dynamic and unpopular, which may be part of the reason I love it so much.

I’m going to bite my tongue.

Yes, this may prove a painful answer to my problems and I might have to sacrifice a few taste-buds, but I think that (with the exception of defending or discouraging more negative talk) I need to abide by the too-frequently-ignored advice “Shut Up”. Shut Up is more than an action of immediate silence... it’s the capability to retain information without letting it leak. I want to be someone that people can come to without hesitation and know that they are always speaking in confidence. I want to be known as a person of integrity, not as a person with a parroting mind. I want to be 100% trustworthy.

Language is so dangerous. I have felt the effects of its aftermath from both sides of the blurring border of right and wrong, of appropriate and inacceptable, of conversation and gossip. So I ask you a personal favour; if I do something that you believe is wrong, tell me. Site your sources and make sure that what you hear and what you say are firmly and reliably based in the realm of reality. Keep your word. Clarify the limits. Don’t push the story.

And one final piece of advice for all of us; if you’re worried about the consequences, do yourself a favour.

Shut Up.